Random thoughts on Life, Leadership, & Messy Spirituality

5 Questions Husbands Should Ask Their Wives

Here are five questions that husbands should ask their wives that communicate to her that you really do care… (* parts borrowed from Perry Noble – pastor of New Spring Church)

#1 – What is the most romantic thing that I’ve ever done for you?

You WILL be surprised!  Trust me…everytime I ask ‘Gina this question she usually responds with something I totally didn’t expect.  When I got married I thought I was going to “WOW” her by taking her to nice places and spending lots of money… but the reality is she thinks it is more romantic when I do the little things to communicate to her how special she is – flowers for no particular reason, helping with chores around the house, taking her out to lunch, etc.

#2 – What is something fun we can do together?

Guys…our definition of fun and hers is usually COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

One of the things about most women is that they want to feel connected to their husbands…to feel like they matter and are important…and one of the ways they do that is by simply having fun.

Now – I’m not talking about taking her to something that you like doing…I am talking about asking her what SHE wants to do…and then making that happen!!!  Trust me…it PROVES to her that you care.

#3 – What is one thing I can do for you this week that will relieve stress from your life?

Guys…we have NO IDEA how much stress a lady carries around with her…and because she is a woman (thus EVERYTHING effects EVERYTHING) we should be willing to do all that we can to relieve stress from her life.

This may include giving her an afternoon to herself, without the kids.  It may include you cooking dinner one night or even cleaning up afterwards.  WHATEVER it takes…do it!  ALL OF US GUYS can do AT LEAST one thing!!!

#4 – How Can I Pray For You?

It is amazing the number of men that will not ask their wife this question.  Men…we are called to lead our homes spiritually…which means we should provide protection and direction.  NOW…when she asks you to pray for something specific…PLEASE resist the temptation to go ahead and BE the answer to her praying by solving the problem she’s bringing to your attention.  She asked you to pray–not lecture-not fix!  I know we have a tendency to try to fix everything… we want to ride in fix the problem and then ride off into the sunset as hero and conquerer – but she doesn’t want us to fix her problem…she wants us to listen to her!

#5 – If you could change one thing about our marriage–what would it be?

This one takes guts!!!

I asked Gina this once, hoping she would say “nothing” and then proceed to tell me about how perfect I was… but it didn’t quite go that way – AT ALL!

She shared a concern or two with me… not for the purpose of hurting me… but because she genuinly wanted that particular area of our lives to get better.  It did sting a little… but it gave me some really great insight into what she considered to be important… and it gave me motivation to work as hard as I could to honor her request.

Men… Ephesians 5:25 says we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church…

  • He never stops loving the church…
  • He never stops pursuing the church…
  • He always comes home for the church…
  • He never cheats on the church…
  • He provides for the church….
  • He never stops thinking about the church…
  • He takes the church seriously…
  • Everything He did – He did with the church in mind…
  • He didn’t just love the church enough to die for her – He loved the church enough to LIVE for her!

I am NOT the perfect husband… but more and more I am realizing that my marriage should NOT be about what I can get… but what I can give and how I can serve.

I’ll give you a sneak peak into a series we’ll be kicking off on Sun. Sept. 27th. It will be a dating, marriage, & relationships series called – “God – Love – Sex”.  I really believe the #1 reason why so many marriages & relationships are struggling and are in shambles is ————— SELFISHNESS!!!

As men of God we should go ALL OUT to show the world how awesome Jesus is THROUGH loving our bride like He loves His!!!

Here are five questions that husbands should ask their wives that communicate to her that you really do care… (* parts borrowed from Perry Noble – pastor of New Spring Church)

#1 – What is the most romantic thing that I’ve ever done for you?

You WILL be surprised!  Trust me…everytime I ask ‘Gina this question she usually responds with something I totally didn’t expect.  When I got married I thought I was going to “WOW” her by taking her to nice places and spending lots of money… but the reality is she thinks it is more romantic when I do the little things to communicate to her how special she is – flowers for no particular reason, helping with chores around the house, taking her out to lunch, etc.

#2 – What is something fun we can do together?

Guys…our definition of fun and hers is usually COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

One of the things about most women is that they want to feel connected to their husbands…to feel like they matter and are important…and one of the ways they do that is by simply having fun.

Now – I’m not talking about taking her to something that you like doing…I am talking about asking her what SHE wants to do…and then making that happen!!!  Trust me…it PROVES to her that you care.

#3 – What is one thing I can do for you this week that will relieve stress from your life?

Guys…we have NO IDEA how much stress a lady carries around with her…and because she is a woman (thus EVERYTHING effects EVERYTHING) we should be willing to do all that we can to relieve stress from her life.

This may include giving her an afternoon to herself, without the kids.  It may include you cooking dinner one night or even cleaning up afterwards.  WHATEVER it takes…do it!  ALL OF US GUYS can do AT LEAST one thing!!!

#4 – How Can I Pray For You?

It is amazing the number of men that will not ask their wife this question.  Men…we are called to lead our homes spiritually…which means we should provide protection and direction.  NOW…when she asks you to pray for something specific…PLEASE resist the temptation to go ahead and BE the answer to her praying by solving the problem she’s bringing to your attention.  She asked you to pray–not lecture-not fix!  I know we have a tendency to try to fix everything… we want to ride in fix the problem and then ride off into the sunset as hero and conquerer – but she doesn’t want us to fix her problem…she wants us to listen to her!

#5 – If you could change one thing about our marriage–what would it be?

This one takes guts!!!

I asked Gina this once, hoping she would say “nothing” and then proceed to tell me about how perfect I was… but it didn’t quite go that way – AT ALL!

She shared a concern or two with me… not for the purpose of hurting me… but because she genuinly wanted that particular area of our lives to get better.  It did sting a little… but it gave me some really great insight into what she considered to be important… and it gave me motivation to work as hard as I could to honor her request.

Men… Ephesians 5:25 says we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church…

  • He never stops loving the church…
  • He never stops pursuing the church…
  • He always comes home for the church…
  • He never cheats on the church…
  • He provides for the church….
  • He never stops thinking about the church…
  • He takes the church seriously…
  • Everything He did – He did with the church in mind…
  • He didn’t just love the church enough to die for her – He loved the church enough to LIVE for her!

I am NOT the perfect husband… but more and more I am realizing that my marriage should NOT be about what I can get… but what I can give and how I can serve.

I’ll give you a sneak peak into a series we’ll be kicking off on Sun. Sept. 27th. It will be a dating, marriage, & relationships series called – “God – Love – Sex”.  I really believe the #1 reason why so many marriages & relationships are struggling and are in shambles is ————— SELFISHNESS!!!

As men of God we should go ALL OUT to show the world how awesome Jesus is THROUGH loving our bride like He loves His!!!

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3 responses

  1. Mom

    I love this. It’s absolutely true that selfishness tends to be the number one issue in failing marriages. The questions you’ve given for husbands to ask – also good ideas to help open the lines of communication. Some discussions are quite difficult to have because nobody wants to hurt their partners, but in order to improve the marriage and the relationship – sometimes you have to talk about what might be unpleasant to hear.

    July 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm

  2. Kevin M

    Howard – Thanks for the gentle reminders. It should be interesting when I pose that questions to my wife. I think I will do one a week instead of all at once. It may be a bit over whelming to hanlde the answers.

    July 23, 2009 at 4:07 pm

  3. Pingback: Four Questions Wives Should Ask Their Husbands « Pastor Howard’s Blog

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