Random thoughts on Life, Leadership, & Messy Spirituality

4 Questions Wives NEED To Ask Their Husbands

This week my wife Gina & I are celebrating 14 years of marriage. While we have had the usual ups & downs of any marriage relationship, I can honestly say that the ups have far surpassed the downs. We get irritated with each other from time to time; there are short periods of time where we didn’t “like” each other a whole lot; but we have made the CHOICE to ALWAYS love each other & that divorce was not/is not/will never be an option. And as a result, we have had a great marriage!

We were also blessed to have another couple (30 yrs older than us & both family/marriage counselors) pour into/teach us in the 1st couple years of our marriage. As a result, I believe we learned more in those 1st two years of marriage than most couples struggle for 10 years to figure out. “Thank you God!” I have always had a heart for helping people develop great, satisfying, God-honoring marriages & families. That is a big part of why I’m doing this mini-series of blogs on marriage…

Last week ago I did a post called “5 Questions Husbands NEED To Ask Their Wives” (Do yourself a favor & go back & read it). Today I want to share some ideas as to, “what should wives ask their husbands?”

#1 – Do You Feel Admired?

Ladies, your huband wants to know that YOU think he looks good – period!  AND… you should NEVER allow someone at work to tell him “that looks good on you,” or, “you look good in that shirt.”  He’s YOUR husband… and YOU should do all that you can to make sure he knows that you admire him!

Trust me… there isn’t a man on this planet that doesn’t want to hear “I think you are hot/sexy/all that and a bag of chips” from the lady he most admires and desires!  And ladies… you cannot take this for granted – HE WANTS and NEEDS to hear this from you!

Trust me…NO ONE’S opinion matters to me more than Gina’s…and if she says I look good–then DANG IT…I do!  What is SO dangerous is that often times men will have someone in their lives that makes them feel admired – satan will make sure of that!!!  BUT… if he is getting the attention/admiration from his wife then it makes it SO much easier to lead with confidence and resist temptation that comes his way.

SO… ask him… does he feel admired by you?  It DOES matter to him!

#2 – Do You Feel Respected?

EVERY man wants respect!  AND… every man wants to be respected by his wife.  (Ladies–STOP IT…I know some of you are saying right now, “well, when he begins to be respectable then I will…”)  That isn’t the point here… the question is from YOU to HIM… sometimes you have to treat people in the way you want them to act.

Let me give you a few insights…

  • His answer is going to be “no” – if you are always telling your children what a loser their father is and that you wish he were a better dad to them.
  • His answer is going to be “no” – if you are always telling your girlfriends (usually in the form of a prayer request) what a low life he is and how he drives you crazy.
  • His answer is going to be “no” – if he has shared vulnerable thoughts and emotions with you… and you take that information and use it as a “conversation piece” with your lunch buddies!
  • His answer is going to be “no” – if you have never taught your children to thank him for the way he provides and such.
  • His answer is going to be “no” – if you are NEVER interested in what he is doing.  (I am amazed at how many women don’t even know what their husband does at work… or what his favorite hobby is.)

One of his BIGGEST NEEDS is to feel respected… and the person he needs it from the most is his wife!

So…ask him.

(BTW: Guys – before you jump on a soapbox saying “Yeah – that’s right!” – make sure you are already doing what I shared in “5 Questions Husbands NEED To Ask Their Wives )

#3 – Do You Feel Taken Care Of?

Every man, from time to time, wants to be able to come home and relax for a few minutes… to take off his shoes and just sit down.  BUT… when a wife stands at the door and barks out orders before the garage door closes… a man feels pressured and pressed down… and honestly begins to think, “I should have stayed at work… at least there I get treated like I am somebody!”

This does not negate the fact he needs to show up and serve… but from time to time… give him a break when he hits the door and let him catch his breath.  Trust me… this is HUGE!

I am truly blessed to have a wife who can tell when I have had a very draining day. She gives me a little time to just sit & relax, she asks the kids to keep it down for a while, but then I have to make sure that after I have had my 15 – 30 minutes of downtime that I get up & be there for my wife & kids.

#4 – Is Our Sex Life Fulfilling To You?

Anytime “men” are discussed in marriage you just KNOW that SEX is going to be a topic of discussion!

BTW… if you don’t want to ask this question… you probably already know the answer!

In every survey that I’ve ever read sex is ranked #1 by men in regards to what they need (I think breathing is #2!)

Men want to know that their wife wants them… sexually.  Believe me… it DOES matter to him.  And ladies… just the fact that you take the time to ask this question will mean more to him than you could ever imagine.

AND… the ONLY way this area of a marriage will get better is if couples are willing to talk about it.

If their has been pain and disappointment in the past – that needs to be talked about.  If their have been unmet expectations on your part… then that needs to be talked about.  YES, I know it “takes two to tango…”  BUT…

The purpose of this question is for you to ask does he feel taken care of in this area.  I KNOW this can be SO uncomfortable for so many couples… but you can either deal with it now… OR you WILL deal with it later.

Uncomfortable conversations must take place at times in order for a marriage to achieve its maximum potential!

Let me also add another piece of brutal honesty here – as a guy I cannot tell you how much it means to me when my wife Gina is the one who initiates sex. When momma starts hitting on me, telling me that she wants me – MAN… there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her! I hear from too many husbands who are just tired of asking their wives or trying to initiate – only to hear “not tonight” – as a guy you hear that enough eventually you quit asking. Then satan will make sure your husband crosses paths with someone who is interested.

So…ladies…there you go.

Schedule some time alone with your husband this week & start asking some questions & open up the lines of communication.


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