Random thoughts on Life, Leadership, & Messy Spirituality

Pastors/Leaders – Keep It In Your Pants!

In the past 2 weeks – I’ve found out that 4 people I know have had extramarital affairs & 2 of them are pastors! I am saddened, sick to my stomach, & really pissed off about this! (Sorry, but there’s no spiritual way to put it) My heart hurts for the spouses, children, & in 2 cases, churches who are rocked by these revelations. I’m also ticked off that now non-Christians will have yet another example to point to & say – “See, those churches, those pastors, those Christians — hypocrites…”

There’s a reason God warns us so strongly about this. Proverbs 6:32 – “But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul.” Proverbs 6:26 says –Adultery will cost a man everything that he has.” We are baffled by & laugh at a guy like Esau in the O.T. Bible who was so hungry that he sold his birthright for a bowl of food? THAT’S ABSURD!  Yet so many people sell away their marriage, their home, their family, and their life – for one stinkin’ moment of pleasure!

Many of you are in difficult marriages & are wondering whether it’s really worth the time, and energy, and work, and pain to revive & make your marriage work.  I want to say to you today – a very resounding “HELL YES!” Get counseling. change jobs, whatever it takes – because  the cost of fixing, maintaining, and making your marriage work – is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING compared to the cost of adultery and divorce.

Here’s my “Big 3” reasons why I am committed to faithfulness…

1) I love Jesus Christ! I really do – unashamedly – I love Him! He is the #1 priority of my life – He died for me – everything that I have I have because of His love for me – and I really don’t want to disappoint Him.

2) I love my family! I really am crazy about them (most — of the time 🙂 ) And I’m not going to do anything that is going to hurt them!

3) I fear the judgment of God! You need to hear that today! God says that you don’t do this and get away with it! As pastors & leaders we are going to have to stand before God some day, we are held to a much higher level, & we’re going to have to answer some TOUGH questions about how we have led our lives, families, businesses & churches. Unlike most people who have to answer only for their life & their family – we will have to answer for how we have led hundreds, if not thousands of families. James 3:1 – “…not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

When you as a leader truly understand the weight & responsibility that God has placed on your shoulders – the thought of that should just about make you PEE YOUR PANTS! 70% of leaders in the Bible didn’t finish well – I doubt that pastors & leaders today are doing any better. It is time for us to develop a “healthy fear” of one day standing before God & answering some very tough questions.

To that end – let me share a couple of practical ideas to help us as leaders to “keep in in our pants”. (BTW: This very much applies to the ladies. 1 of those 4 was a female)

1) MAGNIFY THE CONSEQUENCES! We need to develop that “healthy fear” & we need to keep in the front of our minds the consequences/what’s at stake.

2) MANAGE YOUR MARRIAGE! Adultery usually occurs in cold, dead, stale marriages.  So if you keep your relationship alive and growing – it is great prevention. Have that date night, communicate, get counseling if needed. Sit down with your spouse, read 1 Corinthians 7:5 & develop a plan together to keep the romance & intimacy alive & well in your marriage.

3) MANAGE YOUR MIND! What you think about – you will eventually feel. And what you feel – you will eventually act on. The problem is  – most of us won’t get serious about our minds!  “I can watch/look at this stuff – it won’t affect me.” DON’T BE A FREAKIN’ IDIOT! That is deceiving ourselves – because the battle begins in the mind. It is impossible to not let what you put in your mind affect your life! When you take garbage into your mind – it settles in your heart – and I guarantee you – it WILL eventually work its way out in your life.

4) MAINTAIN PROPER RELATIONSHIPS! Studies show that affairs typically occur between friends, co-workers, & family members – Translation – with someone you already know! NONE OF US are immune from this – & the moment you think you are – you had better watch out! Choose friends carefully, get some accountability & transparency in your life. Put some hedges of protection in your life – establish some guidelines/standards to avoid ever being in a situation where you might be tempted. Basically, DON”T BE STUPID!!!

Pastor – God chose YOU! God called YOU! And you said “Yes” to leading your church – & to the weight & responsibility that comes with that. As a result, our spiritual enemy knows your name, address, your spouse, your kids, your church, your habits, your weaknesses —- & he has got his sights set on you. “The thief comes to steal, kill, & destroy...” He would love nothing more than to bring you, your family, your church, & what God is doing in your midst to its knees. DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN!

BTW: Here’s a link to a message my wife Gina & I gave together as a part of our “Happily Ever After” teaching series we did earlier this year. The message was called “Finishing Together” – the subtitle was “Affair-Proofing Your Marriage”. I encourage you to watch… http://vimeo.com/channels/eaglepointe#20181905

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6 responses

  1. im sick for that also Pastor,we have lots of cases here in our nation the philippines.

    March 28, 2011 at 10:47 pm

  2. James Koffman

    Howard,

    This is crushing when you hear about it. You really hit it on the head when you said, the number one reasons you are committed to faithfulness is, “You love Jesus Christ”.

    Before they fall physically, there is a fall spiritually. They begin to worship and serve created things (sex, romance, their own pleasure) rather than, or at least higher than, the creator God.

    Our personal, intimate, consistent, relationship with Christ has got to be what we seek first for ourselves and for others always. Without it we, our families, and ministries, are helpless prey for the enemy.

    March 29, 2011 at 1:02 pm

  3. I couldn’t agree more Jim. Thanks for the feedback. Miss you buddy! When are you going to get right with God & move back??? 🙂

    March 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

  4. the Church needs to figure out how to aid in the restoration of relationships effected by infidelity. too many times the injured spouse is told to end the relationship and move on. this is adding sin to sin. Christians are the in forgiveness business and need to act accordingly.

    March 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm

  5. Very sad….indeed. Good word…thanks.

    March 31, 2011 at 3:37 am

  6. Pingback: Pastors/Leaders – Keep It In Your Pants! | Kinkementary Extramarital Dating | Discreet Extramarital Affairs & Relationships | Married Dating and Discreet Encounters | Free Extramarital Affairs and Marital Dating

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